Why It’s Hard to Speak After the Philando Castile Verdict
Day 49
It’s been a little over 2 and a half years since I came out in public support of the black lives matter movement. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was my independence day from giving a flying fuckedy fuck fuck about white feelings or my social status among them. You could call me The Angry Black Man and trademark that shit. I didn’t care. Before that, I tried to be politically moderate so I didn’t offend people. But something changed.
On December 3rd, 2014, I remember vividly slamming my fist on my desk as I heard there would be no indictment in the Eric Garner case. CNN looped Garner’s last moments as he gasped, “I can’t breathe” eleven times before he was choked to death. I didn’t know it then but I would eventually become numb to watching black death — no less so than I had become to commercials or memes.
The Garner video— added with the recent images of the Tamir Rice shooting — compelled me to get on Facebook and express ALL of my feelings — something I had never done before in connection with something so politically charged. I wrote what I felt and said, “#blacklivesmatter” at the end. From that moment on, I’ve never looked back in my commitment to doing and saying whatever I can to help end systemic racism, police brutality, white supremacy and anti-blackness.
Each police shooting and subsequent “no indictment” or “not guilty” verdict was just reaffirmation that this country doesn’t care about black lives. They also taught me all of the ridiculous “non” things black people could do to “deserve” to be executed by a state actor.
But Philando Castile’s case might be the most open and shut case I’ve seen in support of the premise that we have a serious problem. Walter Scott was shot in the back as he was running away. Of course, it’s absolutely and 100% unconstitutional, but more importantly, morally repugnant, to shoot anyone who is running away from you, but people could at least try (and fail miserably in my eyes and God’s) to argue he should have just complied.
After seeing the Philando Castile footage, it’s a hard pill to swallow because there is nothing Castile could have done other than not be black to save his life. He spoke to the officer calmly and informed him that he had a gun to diffuse the situation. Within seconds, he was fatally shot in front of his girlfriend and her daughter.
It is legal to shoot and kill a black man as long as you say you’re scared. Period. Exclamation point.
Mother fucking question mark.
The more obvious the case is the harder it is to talk/write about. Perhaps it’s because I feel like nothing should have to be said. I shouldn’t have to convince people that what they FUCKING SAW with their own eyes was wrong. You don’t have to convince someone it’s raining if they’re already drenched, right? They just run to find shelter. Fucking squirrels know that. Well we’re sitting in the biggest rainstorm of our lives. As someone who writes and thinks about systemic racism, it often feels like I not only have to convince people it’s raining, but that they should find shelter. Not only that but I have to leave the comfort of my shelter (knowledge) and go get them, grab their hands, and pull them inside. It’s fucking ridiculous.
Oh well, where is my umbrella?
