(9) Fear

All the time. It cripples me. I want it to go away. It’s the most paralyzingly thing imaginable. Sometimes it springs me into action but more often than not I’m still — too still. I wish it would leave me alone. I hate having to fight it. Maybe I can learn to love it. Make it my friend.

But Drake said no new friends.

But Drake doesn’t know shit other than how to make songs that culturally appropriate.

And make money.

But I don’t want to make money, I want to make impact.

But fear doesn’t want to see me win.

Fear wants me dead while I’m alive.

Fear wants me quiet when I’ve got more to say.

Fear wants me lazy when I’m a bad ass.

Fear wants me sad when I’ve got black boy joy.

Fear wants stoic when tears need to fall or smiles need to emerge.

Fear wants me still when progress is all it’s about.

Fear tells me I’ll never be a writer.

Fear asks me what I’m doing.

Fear keeps me private and living in darkness.

Fear might keep me from posting this.

Fear keeps me from connections. The human kind.

Fear keeps me from me.

Fear keeps me from you.

My dad told me fear's not from Him.

I believed it so I tattooed the verse on my arm.

Fear killed my granddad and my uncle.

Fear is real.

But so is love.

Love is fear’s biggest fear.

So give me more of that.

No, scratch that.

I’ll take it myself.