(4) I already want to stop writing, is that bad? It’s got to be bad.
It has to be. I’m four days into this writing challenge, that is supposed to go on for a year and I can’t imagine doing this every day. It’s not even particularly difficult. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but it’s hard as fuck to decide to do something every day, and then do it. I’m sure this is normal. Perhaps, I have to do it 21 days to make it a habit. I’m not sure how true that is, but I’m like 34% sure I heard it somewhere, maybe. Or maybe not.
I’ve also realized that I’m most productive when I’m procrastinating from doing something more annoying. For instance, I ran all around Philadelphia (listened to that Meek Mill song from Creed as I ran through rough parts of South Philly and totally pretended I was Creed, until I remembered SPOILER ALERT he lost), hit the weights for a good 45 minutes, made a delicious smoothy, came home and cleaned the house, did two loads of laundry, took a nap (because self-care), and I’m starting think that it was all because I didn’t want to sit down at my computer for 5–20 minutes and hammer out at least 100 words. Which holy crap, I think I’ve already done.
But while I’m here, I might as well keep spitting knowledge about procrastination if you don’t mind, all you beautiful people out there not reading this. I think I procrastinate because I’m afraid of failing at something. If I think about all the things I did today, I knew that I could do all of them. I’ve been taking naps since I came out the womb son. Actually I probably took a shit load of naps in the womb too. So like yeah, I got that one down. I also know how to run and lift weights despite my embarrassingly low level of athleticism. Anyway, you get the point. These are just robotic chores and/or activities of leisure that don’t push me or stretch my possibilities.
But I read some article recently about the necessity to set out of your comfort zone if you want to see greatness. And I want to be great, who doesn’t? But I LOVE comfort — comfortable clothes, comfortable shoes, comfortable food, hell, I LOVE that song Comfortable by Weezy featuring Brian McKnight (that was by far the weirdest fucking duo in the 2000's). Most importantly, I love my comfort zone. It makes me feel all warm and happy inside at least 63% percent of the time. However, the other 37% percent of the time, it makes me sad and depressed. It makes me feel like I’m wasting space on this earth instead of living out my God-given potential. I get moody and weird (ask my wife).
When I really think about it, even though 63% is higher than 37%, I think I hate the 37% so much that it’s worth it to try to stay out of my comfort zone as much as possible. Sure, I’ll always visit it. But I think if I get out 10% more of the time, I’ll be 10% closer to greatness, or at least to “betterness.” That was a lot of math and without a T-83 and smarter person’s paper to cheat off of, I’m not sure you or I can make sense of it. Well, I know Ican’t. That’s why I stick to words.
Anyway, to answer my original question: Yes, I think it’s bad that I already want to quit this journey. But I think it’s normal, and I also don’t think I’m going to quit, because I want greatness. And I’m okay with all of that.
